Mother-In-Law

Jerry A.G. Ericsson

“Don’t you think it is about time you grew up!” Ethyl said, shaking her right index finger at Mat, “Get a real job where you can be home with my darling daughter at night, when she needs you the most.”

“Mother Brady, being a police officer is a real job, and in order to do my job I have to work nights, that’s when the people need cops the worst, you have to understand. I wish I could be home at night, maybe when I gain some rank I will be able to work more days, who knows.”

“Now leave the poor boy alone Ethyl!” Robert said, as he eased his three hundred pounds of lard from the easy chair that sat in the north corner of the living room. “He makes enough money to put food on the table, and still has enough left over to take us out to a movie once a month. Besides I think Molly really does love him.”

“Now pa, you know that Molly should have married that nice Swanson boy, look at how much money he makes now, why he is one of the best lawyers in town. Lives in that nice house up on Tank Hill. She would have been much happier with him, so would we.”

Mat shook his head. He went into the dining room and took his duty belt down from the shelf in the closet and buckled it on, then turned it so the buckle was lined with his tie, and his fly, had to observe the gig line so the duty sergeant wouldn’t give him hell. Then he snapped the four belt keepers around his duty belt, and his pants belt, just to keep things lined up properly. To finish his preparation, he snapped his key holder on the right side of his utility belt, aligned with the front pocket of his trousers. He closed the closet door, and checked his uniform in the mirror, everything was perfect, he liked being strake, and it showed in the way he carried himself when he was on duty.

The radio on his belt crackled to life, “Out front 2A.” It was John, his partner who had just pulled up in one of the cities three patrol cars.

“Be right out.” Mat replied into the radio that he carried on his belt. He put the radio back into its carrier on his left side, kissed Molly good-bye, then headed out the front door to begin his night shift.

“Full moon tonight, things could get strange.” Said John as Mat slid in the passenger side of the unit.

“Poppy-cock! I don’t buy any of that superstition crap about the full moon, and the nut cakes being worse during the full moon.”

“Just wait and see!” said John

All was quiet and the shift was about half over, John was beginning to think Mat was right for a change, maybe tonight would be a good one. Then John decided to take a swing out to the back of Tank Hill. The back of Tank Hill was the local lovers lane, where couples could park, and see into the drive-in-theater, it furnished a little entertainment while they drank their beer and explored each others bodies. John pulled the car up next to the water tank, and turned off the headlights, then guided the car slowly using the bright light from the full moon to get it just right, so they could see any brake lights on cars parked along the many trails that lead down from the hill. After a couple of minutes, they saw them, two brake lights that flashed a couple of times, then again a couple more. John began to laugh; he knew that many teen-agers who parked forgot that when their foot hits the brake it gives away their position. He could tell from the intermittent flash that the driver was engaged in some heavy petting, maybe sex, and was simply bumping the pedal. He eased the unit into gear, and without lights, idled the unit down the hill, until they were broadside of the unlucky pair in the parked car. Then, as he loved to do, John hit the overhead floodlights, which illuminated the interior of the parked car brighter then daylight, he jumped from the patrol car and ran up to the parked vehicle, hoping to catch the couple in the act. Mat followed, shaking his head at the older officers passion for discovery.

When John arrived at the car, and looked inside, his jaw fell open. Mat was just behind him, when he looked inside, he froze. There behind the wheel was old man Horton. Old man Horton was about the ugliest, hairiest, smelliest old man in town, and he was, at that time in the process of making love to non-other then Mat’s mother-in-law Ethyl Brady. Old man Horton turned to the two officers and said “Ya wanna turn off them damn lights, makes me see this old bitty, and that kinda makes the old pole go soft if you know what I mean.

John began to laugh, in fact he laughed so hard he had to hold onto the car to keep from falling on the ground. Mat quickly got over his shock, and joined John in laughing. Ethyl, in the meanwhile disentangled herself from old man Horton, and began putting her cloths on, much to the relief of all the men, including old man Horton. As she got off him, his now flaccid penis slapped his bare leg, with a pop, that only made the two officers laugh harder.

“Come on John!” said Mat between laughs, “lets get the hell out of here!”

Without another word, the two officers returned to their patrol, John still laughing, and Mat comforted in the fact that life at home would be much better from now on.